I am so grateful that I was able to hold my brothers hand for 4 days. That I was able to wash his face, wipe his nose and mouth, and rub his swollen feet and hands. That I was able to rub his head, and kiss his cheeks. That we were able to tell embarrassing or funny Curt stories and listen to his favorite music. That I was able to tell him I loved him, and how sorry I was that he was leaving us. That I was able to imprint the shape of his hands and his funny little thumbnail in my mind and heart. He had some brain stem activity until Thursday when he herniated during the night. I don't know how much of him was there, but it didn't matter. My heart didn't know the difference. It just saw my little brother and my heart just wanted to love him and honor him; to be a witness to his life. That was so incredibly difficult on so many levels, but am grateful we created loving space during his last days and that we sent his heart, wherever it may be beating, with lots of love.
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