Actions and Words

Some of you may be tired of hearing me speak about things that I think matter, and that is okay. I get it.  A Facebook friend made mention of LGBTites-In your face LGBT advocates. I think this person may have been referring to me. I can't be sure, but my guess is yes. And that is okay, I own it.

I think some of my friends feel that they can't speak up regarding their views regarding  same sex marriage and  homosexuality.  They may feel judged, and misunderstood. They want to be seen as someone who can disagree without being accused of being bigoted.  They may feel that LGBT lifestyle is being thrown in their face,  and that offends them. 

So I want to say, I hear your words. I feel your discomfort.  I know it is difficult to make room at the table, that has been primarily your own.  I also want to share what has been heard, even when you may have remained silent.

When Gay men were sent to mental hospitals to be castrated and given ice pick lobotomies through 1950-1970's , views were heard and felt through actions, loud and clear

When Gay men were told they could pray-the-gay-away- and subjected themselves to reparative therapy, that at times consisted of electroshock to the testicles and psychological rape.  Views were heard and felt through words and actions loud and clear

When a family disowned someone for their sexual orientation, views are  heard and felt through actions loud and clear.

When a same-sex partner is denied the right to be with, or make decisions for their life partner during a health crisis, views are  heard and felt through actions loud and clear.

When LGBT parents have no legal right to  their children, views are  heard and felt through actions loud and clear.

When same-sex partners, couples, families are considered "counterfeit",  views are  heard and felt through actions loud and clear

When LGBT people are bullied, beaten, and sometimes killed,  views are heard and felt through actions loud and clear.

When jobs are lost, and eviction notices posted on their door because of their sexual orientation,  views are  heard and felt through words and actions loud and clear.

When LGBT people hear condemnation on the pulpit and are kicked out of their religious home, views are  heard and felt through actions loud and clear.

 When LGBT youth consist of 10% of the population but makeup 20-40% of the homeless youth,  views are  heard and felt through actions loud and clear.

When LGBT youth are psychologically, and physically abused through conversion therapy, views are  heard and felt through actions loud and clear.

When I hear someone say,  they love and accept LGBT people, friends, and family, but you don't agree or accept their "Lifestyle". I want to know what does that kind of love and acceptance look like  through actions and words? How do they hear it? Is it the same words and  actions they have heard for decades?

What more needs to be said so that you feel heard?

Sin and Shame

When I was a teenager I committed a sin against God. At least that is what I was told. I had sex with my boyfriend. My parents condemned me, my church leaders condemned me.  I was labeled, judged, and withheld love and acceptance.

But when you look at my intent as a young teenage girl, what I was really doing was seeking and wanting love. I wanted connection. So in essence, I was charged as being sinful because of my deep need to feel LOVED.  

The giving away a part of myself to someone who could not fully understand and appreciate what I was giving them was the difficult lesson I should have learned from this experience, but it was not.  I learned that I am less valuable to others when I am used merchandise. I am less deserving of love if I disappoint others. I am not worthy to be a participatory actor in my clan when I sin.

Yes, there may have been healthier outlets, or ways to seek and feel loved, but that is not the point. The cruelty of condemnation and shame that we act out towards others, is devastating and disastrous. The way we label actions with swift dogmatic condemnation, appears to be more of an unrighteous act than the act of seeking love. Seeking connection.

Shaming, withholding, judging, exiling does not resolve the need for love and connection, yet we stand idly by, and accept the action of those that act out these treacherous deeds. I say treacherous, because it is done by those who say they love you.

I see this same  unjust behavior with those who love others of the same sex. They are condemned and judged for seeking LOVE and CONNECTION. For seeking INTAMACY.  The Irony is, the act of condemnation is deemed as an act of love. What a painful, unhealing "love" that is.

That is not the LOVE that I know. The LOVE I know, has no agenda. The act of Loving someone is not contingent with who they are, what they do, or how they disappoint you. Loving eyes see intent. Loving eyes see the heart.

In my world, I love because I can. Because it is needed. So desperately needed. Because learning to love more honestly and deeply is why I am here. I think it is why you are here too.

No Free Pass

As I am moving forward I realized I needed to interrupt my FB break so I can respond to my facebook post regarding the frustration and pain I saw happening in the name of religion. I received some feedback from some of my Christian friends, and for them I say thank you. I want to make it clear that I recognize there are many wonderful Christian people out in the world. I only have to look to my family, co-workers, and friends to see it. I see how my Christian co-workers love our patients who come from all walks of life. I truly feel blessed to work with so many amazing people.
But Christianity and religions don’t get a free pass. They deserve scrutiny just like the rest of us. To avoid speaking out about the injustices that are occurring in the name of God or the name of religion, because there are so many good Christians, to me is like saying, we shouldn’t talk about rape because there are so many good men that don’t rape. It makes all men look bad to talk about it.
When we fail to see injustice by anyone, and we say nothing, we become part of the problem. When moderate Christians fail to speak out against Christian extremist or Christian churches because you carry the same belief in Christ, the pain caused by your silence becomes more palpable.
People use the bible to explain why homosexuality is a sin and why same sex marriages are wrong. Over the years Christians have reformed their practices from the bible. We no longer believe it is okay to own people even though the bible states it is okay. We don’t think its okay to kill people for non-belief. We don’t burn people at the stake. If someone was in the slave trade today, we would consider them as being highly immoral and unchristian.
Well, I find discrimination against LGBT people highly immoral. I find Christians who are trying to legalize discrimination as being highly immoral. I think perpetuating lies and ignorant statements regarding LGBT people so you can hold onto your belief system is immoral. To refute science, because you want to hold onto your misinformed views is immoral. I think Christians going to other countries and perpetuating lies and willful ignorance, and pushing laws to a vulnerable population to serve your agenda is unconscionable. Today there are countries that have not only made homosexuality illegal, but deadly. Thanks in part of the help of American Christian churches and organizations.
I am sorry if you as a Christian are offended by my stance. But I do not apologize for speaking out against injustice. If you feel I am being one-sided, I will tell you that I have been on both sides of the fence. I was misinformed and ignorant. I hadn’t been trained to research, and think critically. I was basing decisions on fear rather than love and reason.
Now I understand that what has happened in Uganda and Nigeria is extreme. But you do not need extreme actions, or words to slowly chip away the self-worth of a LGBT teen. It’s all the little things you say, that you are not aware of, that sends a clear message to the child that there is a part of them that is not acceptable. How can you reject something that they had no control over? Sadly, many times it is the very people that created them, that they feel the most rejection from.
Last weekend when everyone was sitting in the comfort of their home, watching general conference, children were dying. They were dying from painful words that have heard spoken over and over again from the pulpit, in their home, by their teachers, and by their peers. This is so tragic, and so preventable.
To say from standing afar about how sorry you are, or how you have compassion for those “homosexuals” means so very little. Being sorry does not require any stretching, discomfort, change, or action on your part. Who in the hell cares if you are sorry?! It means nothing without action, without empathy, without risking and putting your heart out there. To RISK being wrong.
People who say they are sorry don’t have to be wrong. They can hold their views while still patting themselves on the back for being nice. It takes courage to be empathetic, to risk being wrong. And that is what makes me the angriest. Please don’t respond with what the gospel says, or the bible says, or what this or that church leader says. I have heard it and I am done listening to it. I find it insulting, offensive, and immoral.
Someone suggested to me to look on the bright side, and see all the good around me. I only have to walk into my home to see so much good. And it makes the hurt deeper. I think about those people who do not know my son and wonder why they would want to discriminate against him and so many like him. I think about my beautiful daughter and wonder if it will EVER be safe for her to use a public restroom, or walk down a street, by herself. When I see what others are trying to do to beautiful people like her, I don’t know the answer to that, and it makes me incredibly sad, and angry. As a parent I have every right to be outraged, and frustrated, and sickened by what Religion and Christians are trying to do to my children.
I am going back on my FB break. This gives you ample time to unfriend me, and move on if I offend you. Be warned, when I come back, I am going to be stronger, and fiercer. And my fierceness runs as deep as my love, so you know shit will be going DOWN when I come back.
To all of you who have had the courage to stretch, and grow, and learn, and reach out, I applaud you. There is something so very powerful about being broken open. It takes great vulnerability to do so, but worth it.

Religious Angst

     With so much in the news about religious extremist killing and kidnapping people,  States trying to discriminate under the guise of religious freedoms my heart is breaking. whether it's serving cake or allowing people to use the restroom. So much justification for bigotry, division, arrogance, and self-righteousness. Many times under willful ignorance.

     I am having a difficult time seeing the good in religion. I see the catastrophic damage that people have caused in the name of religion to those who are not of their religion, or don't prescribe to their "morals". I am tired of hearing how christians bash other christians because they aren't the "right kind" of christian. And then judging those of other religions, or who are non-religious, self-righteously assuming you are the on the right-side.

     I am tired of hearing people spout scriptures that condemn others assuming their subjective view, and cherry picking of the scriptures is the only right and true  understanding of them. I am tired of the dogmatic literal views of some scriptures that again, condemns others, while overlooking  other literal scripts because it isn't convenient.

     How many times does your scripture say to love one another?  How many times does your scriptures say to not judge others?  Why am I not seeing this in my daily news feed from my Christian friends?  I can't go on this weekend listening to others talk about the atonement and how grateful they are about being saved in one hand, and cast stones with the other.

     I am not impressed. I am not moved to follow your path. And not because I don't want to follow strict doctrine, but because I don't believe it is the best way to do the most good and prevent the least harm. Well-being not only comes from my life being free from suffering, but those around me. To see injustices towards women around the globe, and then justify patriarchy does not seem moral to me. To want to have love and connections with those around you, and at the same time prevent others from having that does not seem moral to me. To want job and housing security for yourself and your family, but try to stop others from having that does not appear moral. To condemn and kick out your children because you don't l.ike who they are attracted to  does not appear moral.

     To overlook or hide abuses in your church in order to protect it from condemnation, is immoral. To spend millions of dollars on expensive church houses while there are members and non-members around the globe going hungry does not appear moral.

     This holiday weekend, I am going to step away from the rhetoric, and go appreciate nature, and my family. I am going to contemplate how I can do good and make a difference; to help others with the time I have here.