Sin and Shame

When I was a teenager I committed a sin against God. At least that is what I was told. I had sex with my boyfriend. My parents condemned me, my church leaders condemned me.  I was labeled, judged, and withheld love and acceptance.

But when you look at my intent as a young teenage girl, what I was really doing was seeking and wanting love. I wanted connection. So in essence, I was charged as being sinful because of my deep need to feel LOVED.  

The giving away a part of myself to someone who could not fully understand and appreciate what I was giving them was the difficult lesson I should have learned from this experience, but it was not.  I learned that I am less valuable to others when I am used merchandise. I am less deserving of love if I disappoint others. I am not worthy to be a participatory actor in my clan when I sin.

Yes, there may have been healthier outlets, or ways to seek and feel loved, but that is not the point. The cruelty of condemnation and shame that we act out towards others, is devastating and disastrous. The way we label actions with swift dogmatic condemnation, appears to be more of an unrighteous act than the act of seeking love. Seeking connection.

Shaming, withholding, judging, exiling does not resolve the need for love and connection, yet we stand idly by, and accept the action of those that act out these treacherous deeds. I say treacherous, because it is done by those who say they love you.

I see this same  unjust behavior with those who love others of the same sex. They are condemned and judged for seeking LOVE and CONNECTION. For seeking INTAMACY.  The Irony is, the act of condemnation is deemed as an act of love. What a painful, unhealing "love" that is.

That is not the LOVE that I know. The LOVE I know, has no agenda. The act of Loving someone is not contingent with who they are, what they do, or how they disappoint you. Loving eyes see intent. Loving eyes see the heart.

In my world, I love because I can. Because it is needed. So desperately needed. Because learning to love more honestly and deeply is why I am here. I think it is why you are here too.